Oct 21st, 2017
….the first day we opened up my shop. It had been my dream since as long as I can remember to have a home decor business of my own. I can remember when I interviewed at CBK years ago telling Treesa Hundley I wanted to have my own shop someday….I can still hear her say “well you have it.” She (along with so many others there) gave me the courage and knowledge to do that job.
When we got asked to rent a space inside the Dirt Road, I was so excited and over joyed. It was as if God was giving me a nudge. I didn’t know Heather and Gary other than when they had bought pieces from us at the booth. They were renovating a large warehouse and had space they wanted to lease. I didn’t know how I would manage to go from our small booth at a flea market to a store. I still had my son at home. I prayed and prayed about it. How would we work the hours…how would I manage to do this and still be a Mom….who would keep Brady….what about the kids activities…getting them off the bus…….all these things were running through my head.
My husband said he knew my mind was made up once I saw that space. He has always been my cheerleader and supporter. He is always like “ok let’s do it” and I’m like wait let’s think about this. He told me one day….what do you have to lose.
I didn’t know it then….but after I closed it felt like I had lost everything. My sense of what I was supposed to use to define me was gone. I cried but I knew deep down it was what needed to be done. I have always been that person who got up and had something planned out to work on. I just enjoy working, but last Christmas I was struggling so bad to just function. I was so tired and my body was worn completely out. There were days I couldn’t stay focused enough to wrap items for customers. I even had some so concerned, they could tell I wasn’t feeling well. I had all kinds of tests run after having daily headaches, black outs even during a mammogram (talk about embarrassing). I was a wreck.
I kept praying about it and knew “it was time” to decide to close. I needed time to get better and I didn’t feel like I could do that and keep the store open. I told my husband and I think he was a little shocked but ready for that chapter to be over. He wouldn’t have wanted to crush any dream I had. He is a much better than I would have been had the roles been reversed. He did an enormous amount of stuff behind the scenes finding pieces, moving furniture, building me stuff, anything I needed….he did without recognition or reward. He was tired.
January 1st, I made a video and told my customers I was closing. I remember crying and not much else about what I said. I still haven’t went back and re-watched it. It was painful to say “I failed.” (even though I’ve heard that we never really fail we just learn). I couldn’t do anymore even though I have felt a strong urge that this is what God had laid on my heart. So much of my life has been redoing and making things pretty and I didn’t feel like I could do that anymore. But God had been shifting me a few months before to do videos with the encouragement of Brooke from Re-fabbed. I joined her coaching group on a gut reaction. The way I work best. Anyone who knows me really well, knows that is NOT me to get in front of people and talk. I would almost throw up if I had to any presentation or speech in school. So for me to go on a Live about decorating was not going to happen. Not going to do it. I did it anyway. Scared and terrified with my husband there with me. I did my first Live on decorating a buffet 4 different ways. It wasn’t bad and I kept doing videos. I still get nervous right before I hit the button. Those fears we tell ourselves.
We got everything sold out of the shop other than a few boxes and that went into storage. Still struggling to figure out a plan….I tried to focus on getting better. That would be around the time a little thing called COVID came into the picture. You see…what I didn’t know was God was telling me “It’s time” for a very important reason that I couldn’t see the big picture. Had I stayed any longer, I would have had all that inventory sitting there and not being able to be open. All of that would have made me worry that much more. He was protecting us. His ways are so much better than our own. “Its time” is also part of my testimony that maybe one day I will have the courage to tell you.
Covid kept pushing my surgery back so I had it 3 days I turned 40…talk about a Birthday present. I feel much better now thought and so proud I did it scared. I don’t know what God’s plan is for me. I feel like I’m supposed to have this business or He wouldn’t put that on my heart.
For now, I am going to take one day at a time. I was planning out a Christmas collection that I’m launching and for some reason the Holy Spirit just told me to start writing. So an hour before I have to get the kids, I started writing what was on my heart. Courage to do something bold and tell a part of my story.
Love ya’ll and hope this encourages someone today!